Surrendering Them to God
On the Awesome Responsibility We Have as Parents
When I was just a little girl, The Lord placed two desires on my heart. The first was that I would one day become a school teacher; the second was that I would be a wife and mommy. (I count the second one as one desire because to me being one of these also meant I got to be the other. They were a packaged pair.) I would lay on the living room floor with the JCPenney catalog opened before me, daydreaming about my future home and its inhabitants. I always wanted this; and I can’t remember a time in my memory that did not include this desire.
I do remember, however, that much of my adolescence into young adulthood was spent trying to fill an emptiness I felt deep inside. I’m not sure how I came to believe this, but I believed children could fill that aching void.
In 1 Samuel 1, we meet Hannah, who also felt an aching void. Hannah, whose womb “the Lord had closed.” After years of being put down and verbally harassed by her husband’s second wife (who had children), Hannah made a vow to the Lord.
“In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord. And she made a vow, saying, “O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life…”1
The distraught woman was praying so passionately, Eli (the priest) thought she was drunk. “Not so, my lord,” Hannah said to him, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled… I was pouring out my soul to the Lord…I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”2
Scripture tells us “in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.” (Samuel sounds like the Hebrew word for heard of God.)3 The Lord heard Hannah’s prayer, and Hannah remembered her vow to the Lord. She told Elkanah, her husband: “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the Lord, and he will live there always.”
And after Samuel was weaned, Hannah did indeed take him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh and to Eli, the priest. She said, “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.”4
I give him to the Lord.
Another Kind of Surrendering
Hannah’s answered prayer of receiving a child after barrenness isn’t an isolated example. Abraham’s wife, Sarah, had also been barren until the Lord opened her womb and she was able to conceive Isaac.5
In Genesis 21, the Lord said to Abraham, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love... Sacrifice him as a burnt offering...”
If you know this story you know that the Lord was testing Abraham’s love and fear of the Lord; nevertheless, Abraham’s obedience is astounding! Although he did tell Isaac, “God himself will provide the lamb for [sacrifice],” if the Lord had asked it of him, he would have given Him his son.6
If Hannah’s surrender of Samuel to the service of the Lord was hard for me to fathom, Abraham’s willingness to surrender Isaac to the Lord was beyond comprehension!
I Love You More
After I separated from my oldest child’s father, I became zealous for his protection. It was he and I against the world. I loved him with a fierce love, and believed no one could love him as much as I did. It’s only in retrospect I can see that belief did more harm than good.
For the longest time, I had great difficulty saying to my children: “I love you, and God loves you more.” It was too hard for me to wrap my head around the idea because it still seemed impossible that anyone could love them more than I loved them.
Much of my adolescence and young adulthood felt chaotic. I wasn’t grounded in God’s Truth and was very much like the “infant, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming” Paul describes in Ephesians.7 I was in several unhealthy relationships, which taught me that I was only “conditionally” lovable. I suffered from verbal and emotional abuse, manipulation, and control. As a result, I did not know what real love looked like. And although I would have called myself a Christian at the time, I really did not understand God’s love either.
An Awesome Responsibility
It seems that Eli, the priest whom Samuel was to live with, was not a very good father. Scripture tells us “Eli’s sons were wicked men; they had no regard for the Lord.”8 Wasn’t Hannah afraid to leave her son with someone who had done so poorly with his own children?
This weekend I attended a conference about loving God’s children well (our own and also the Church’s). From beginning to end, I felt myself deeply moved and three different times could not hold back the tears.
I was struck with the awesome weight of responsibility bestowed on us as parents and members of Christ’s body. And I immediately began counting the ways that I have failed and messed up in parenting the children I prayed for and love so very much. The enemy seeks to destroy God’s design for family, marriage, and our identity in Him. And he attacks with a vengeance. It all feels so overwhelming.
In one of our mini sessions, the speaker spoke about the different phases involved in launching our children. He told us, “The launch is happening. You can’t stop it. You will either prepare them well or not so well. Once it happens, you must fight against guilt. The things you did or didn’t do. The things you did well or not so well.”
I asked him to speak more about fighting against the guilt that plagues me. His encouraging words were a soothing balm. “There’s nothing you did or didn’t do as a parent that Jesus didn’t die for.”
Hannah wasn’t entrusting her son to Eli so much as she was entrusting him to the Lord. She trusted the Lord to love her child in a way that neither she nor her husband nor Eli could love him.
Apart From Me, You Can Do Nothing
Jesus tells us in John 15:4 “Abide in me, and I will abide in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” And in verse 5, “Apart from me you can do nothing.”
How many times in the 24 years I’ve been a mother have I tried to produce good fruit in my own effort and strength? How many times have I fallen victim to the lie that it is “all up to me?”
When my oldest son was preparing to leave for college six years ago, I sat next to him on his bed and said I have to ask you something. “Is Jesus your Lord and Savior?” I was crushed when he said, “I don’t want to hurt you, Mom, but no.”
The Lord gave me a great blessing that day. Because after the shock and fear subsided, I came to realize fully that it is not Vanessa who changes hearts, it is the Lord.
Why He ever chose me to mother these three precious people, I may never know. But in His infinite grace and mercy, He has used my sons to help me learn the true meaning of love. His Love.
I try to be a good mother, but I mess up. I am not perfect. I have many weaknesses. And when I focus on the overwhelming responsibility I have to teach them the ways of the Lord, and the many obstacles and snares the devil sets in our path, I feel scared and powerless. But God.
God reminds me that His Grace is sufficient for me. For His power is made perfect in my weakness.
I can surrender my children to the Lord because I completely trust in His love, His goodness, His wisdom. And I know now with all my heart and soul, that He loves them far more than I do. What an amazing truth to hold onto! Praise be to God!
“I love You, Lord
For Your mercy never fails me
All my days, I've been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
'Cause all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
In darkest night You are close like no other
I've known You as a Father
I've known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God”9
See 1 Samuel 1:5-11
1 Samuel 1:15-16
1 Samuel 1:20
1 Samuel 1:27-28
See Genesis 21:1-8
See Genesis 22:1-14 for the story in full.
See Ephesians 4:14
1 Samuel 2:12
"Goodness of God" by Bethel Music, written by Jenn Johnson, Ben Fielding, Jason Ingram, Brian Johnson, and Ed Cash.
You are a wonderful mother! Never forget that. I worked with kids who were neglected and abused by their parents, and after the children were taken away, the parents turned their backs on them and did not want them back, but God finds a way to reach those children, too!
So Beautifully written, Vanessa! Love how you are sharing how you Let Go and Let God!! ❤️