At Whatever Cost
The Most Courageous Thing You Can Pray
There is a prayer only the most courageous of faith can pray:
“Lord, bring my child to salvation at whatever the cost.”
We were volunteering in the nursery at church. I had only met my partner a few months prior, but I had grown to respect her tremendously in that short time. She was younger than I, but had a godly wisdom and humble nature I aspired to emulate. We began sharing stories of our upbringing and how we came to faith. (This is unsurprising to me, and if you know me, unsurprising to you. If you are a willing participant, we’ll skip the small talk and get straight to the deep stuff! Life is too short to remain in the shallow end. Amen?)
I shared my concerns over my oldest son’s struggle with his faith. When he was a child, most of my worry was spent over his grades and social standing. I was still very young then (chronologically as well as spiritually) and the outward signs of success had consumed my thinking for as far back as middle school. But now that I had grown in faith, my priorities began shifting and I regretted the lack of discipleship I gave my oldest during his formative years.
My wise, new friend (who was happy to engage in this meaningful conversation) told me a story of her grandmother’s oldest child. She had raised him, as well as all his siblings, with healthy servings of Jesus daily from infancy, but he grew to adulthood never professing faith. So, her grandmother began praying that the Lord would bring him to salvation at whatever cost.
I listened and nodded and agreed that yes, we need to pray for our doubting children. But as the weight of what her grandmother prayed washed over me, a panicked fear rose out of my heart. Wait. At any cost? All the ways that could look like began surfacing in my mind and I became afraid. I looked at my friend and said, “That is a very brave prayer.” And she agreed.
That was 7 years ago and I have never forgotten it, but have I prayed it? I’ve tried. It seems to get stuck in my throat. I say it, but I can’t say my entire heart is behind the words, which causes me to wonder at how weighty a price I place on salvation.
A Priceless Campaign
This world is abundant in awe-inspiring beauty and breathtaking natural wonders. I will never live long enough to enjoy them all, but this summer I’ll get to experience a number of them. My husband is excited to see a decades long dream finally come to fruition. He’s researched, booked, and mapped out an “Epic Road Trip” that will take us from our home in western Pennsylvania through twenty states stopping to marvel at sites like Mount Rushmore, the Grand Canyon, and Yellowstone. This will be a once in a lifetime kind of trip for us. It’s going to be expensive, but it will be worth the cost.
There it is again. The cost. What does make something expensive “worth it?”
I remember the Mastercard “priceless” campaign. Its first commercial launched some 30 years ago. The scene opens on a young blond-haired boy and his dad walking through a stadium toward their seats. The voiceover narrates what this experience had cost the man: “Two tickets: 28 dollars. Two hot dogs, two popcorns, two sodas: 18 dollars. One autographed baseball: 45 dollars. Real conversation with 11-year-old son: Priceless.
Mastercard convinced us that there are some things in life you just can’t put a price tag on. And to attain the resulting priceless memories, sometimes you need to first pay a lot up front.
Much of my life, I’ve struggled to see the world from God’s perspective. It’s hard to get past what our physical senses tell us is reality. But with God’s grace, my heart and mind have been slowly “unlearning” what my senses perceive as truth and embracing instead the reality Kingdom eyes reveal to me.
I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Scripture has been a comforting, supportive friend. Psalm 73, which wrestles with the perceived prosperity of the wicked, resonates deeply with me. Solomon’s challenge in Ecclesiastes to deny himself nothing only to discover a lingering dissatisfaction has been experienced in my life, too. And much of my prayer life in recent years has been spent grappling over God’s “upside down” kingdom.
No, this world is not all there is, and reality is often not what we perceive.
Two Types of Nothing
One Christmas Eve several years ago, my then pastor, Henry’s sermon left a lasting impression on me. He listed examples of who the world would name as successful people—people who “have it made.” The people on social media with luxurious homes and cars and gadgets and vacations and designer clothes and shoes and handbags and jewelry. People who also happen to give no credit or praise to God who gave them such abundance in the first place.
He told us, yes, they drive down the road in a car worth twice your annual income. Yes, they travel to exotic destinations and live in the lap of luxury. And yes, they live in homes with more space and amenities than there is time to make proper use of them. But if they don’t have Jesus, they have nothing.
My mind immediately began the rebuttal. “But they have…” No, he said, interrupting my thoughts. “Let me repeat, if they don’t have Jesus, they have nothing.”
I am embarrassed to admit it now, but I really had to wrestle with that. See? It’s hard to look at the world with God’s perspective. The world is very loud with its insistence that the more and better stuff you have, the better off you are.
In Philippians 3, Paul lists off the many things of “accomplishment” he had attained including: the important Jewish tradition of circumcision, pure-blood lineage of the favored tribe of Benjamin (“a Hebrew of Hebrews”), and training as a prestigious Pharisee. Of his personal ambition, he called himself zealous for God’s honor (by heavily persecuting the church) and of keeping God’s law, faultless.
Pastor and seminary professor Robert Sloan says of Paul: Before becoming a Christian, Paul “would have been wealthy. He was a young protege of the greatest Pharisaic leaders. He studied at the feet of Gamaliel and the Pharisees assigned him the task of leading a delegation against the Christians. He had access to power, money, prestige…”1
But then in a surprising turn immediately following, Paul tosses this list of achievements into the bin!
“I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.”2
For the past eight years, I’ve participated in Community Bible Study and our chapter supports the small African country, Burundi. It has been both humbling and fascinating to hear from our missionaries, John and Diana, through the years how God is at work in the Burundians.
Burundi is a small, landlocked country in Africa with a population of just under 14 million. It is one of the least developed and poorest countries in the world (the poorest country in Africa). Sixty two percent of their population lives below the extreme poverty line. Estimates suggest that the average monthly salary hovers around a few hundred USD per month. The nation struggles with political instability, corruption, violence, and inadequate infrastructure. Civil conflict and ethnic tensions between the two main people groups, the Hutus and the Tutsis, have troubled Burundi for decades, causing displacement and economic stagnation.
Burundi is also 75% Christian according to a 2020 survey.3
During our most recent visit from our Burundi missionaries, John surprised me by saying, “Don’t feel sorry for the Burundians. They are on fire for the Lord! Despite their struggles here, they are filled with joy!”
This was so encouraging to hear. For here we have another example of God’s “upside down kingdom.” Those we see with everything their hearts desire, really have nothing if they don’t have Jesus. And those who have nothing by the world’s standards, truly have everything when they have Jesus.
Two Views of Prosperity
In Ecclesiastes, Solomon, wealthiest king of Israel, grapples with the futility of everything “under the sun” as he searches for answers to life’s big questions: What is my purpose? Why am I here? What is all this for? He says in chapter two, “I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”
On the other hand, the author of Psalm 73 shares his personal struggle with envying the wealth of the godless. “…my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to man…” He continues his bitter rant in verse 13: “Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been plagued [with trouble]; I have been punished every morning.”
However, after spending time with God trying to understand why the wicked prosper and the righteous suffer, the Lord revealed Kingdom truth to his heart.
“When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny. Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin. How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors!”
The psalmist closes with words of longing and praise for our Heavenly Father who alone satisfies the aching void in our hearts.
“Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Not money. Not possessions. Not even health. It’s You, Lord. Our hearts ache for You. Or as Augustine so eloquently puts it: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”
A New Campaign
With this in mind, perhaps we could revise that Mastercard commercial to reflect what is truly “priceless” in this world, while simultaneously helping my heart to boldly embrace that courageous prayer for my son.
Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom in addiction, losing custody of children, spending time in jail, losing a job, bankruptcy, diminished social reputation, coming close to death, a scary diagnosis, and myriad other distressing events before someone accepts his need of a Savior. These offer a glimpse of the images that surface in my mind when I consider what praying “at any cost” could mean for my son. Any one of these is extremely costly and would bring much pain. I don’t want that for him.
But if, by God’s grace, it leads to his eternal salvation? Priceless and completely worth the cost.
“O God, You are my God
I seek for You in earnest
I know that You are worth it
My soul thirsts for You, God
In a dry and weary place
My flesh for You, it faints
Because Your steadfast love is better than life
I'll open my lips now to praise You
Because Your steadfast love, it satisfies
I'll lift up my hands now to praise You, God”4
Lord, bring my child to salvation at whatever the cost. Amen.
See Sloan’s blog article here for more in-depth information concerning Paul and how he refutes works righteousness in Philippians.
See Philippians 3:4-8 (I quote from the NLT here.)
See Britannica.com for more information about Burundi
Cobb, Caroline. “Better than Life.” Psalms: The Poetry of Prayer. May 2023, track 3.
When my husband and I married 24 years ago, I gained 3 bonus sons. Although our lifestyles were similar, the differences lead to an incredibly unstable environment for my husband's boys. His ex was a substance abuser and everything bad that goes with that. She was unreliable, manipulative, at times, emotionally abusive, and yet, someone the boys desperately needed. They wanted so bad for her to chose them, but she just couldn't. Her addictions ruled her life. As they reached the teenaged years, the middle son began to make really bad choices based on what he needed from her but never received. Her behavior was proof to him that it was his fault and that there must be something wrong with him. He was sure that if he just begged long enough and hard enough, he would convince the girls/women in his life that he was worth loving.
We watched in agony as relationship after relationship ended with him threatening to take his own life in an effort to salvage a world that was crumbling around him. He's a very intelligent young man and although he had been in church from very early in life, he just couldn't believe that someone loved him enough to give his life for him. After all, his mother didn't love him enough to deny herself, his girlfriends didn't love him enough to ignore or put up with his clinginess, pushiness, and distrust. We prayed for him constantly, begging God to intervene and get through to this boy. Finally, one young woman had enough and, after one scary encounter, call the police and said he raped her. He swears that's not what happened and that he took a gun to her house intending to kill himself. She was terrified and did what he asked even though she didn't want to. The end result was a conviction on 7 counts of aggravated sexual assault and a prison sentence of 50 years. We were crushed.
A few weeks later, I heard my pastor talk about the difference between Justice, Mercy, and Grace. I heard God speaking to my heart that everything was going to be ok, even though the situation looked pretty bleak. I started to wonder if the justice handed out at trial was really God's mercy for our son. What if God was saving him from himself? He had tried so many times to take his own life that I had no doubt he would try it again if given the opportunity. I waited several weeks to bring up the subject with my husband because he was so angry with God I knew he wouldn't want to consider there was a bigger plan. I was right - he dismissed everything I said and was convinced God had abandoned him.
Several days later, he was on a trip and a car pulled in front of him for seemingly no reason. He started to fume about it, but then noticed the license plate. It said HES4U. Suddenly, the car changed lanes again - for no reason. My husband began to weep and had to pull over. There, on a highway in Oklahoma, he heard God tell him again and again, "I am for you!"
A few days later we received a letter from our son telling us that he had finally broken. He had realized that he couldn't continue the way he had been going - even in prison. He knelt down in the prison chapel with his chaplain and gave his life to Christ. He was baptized in a galvanized tub at the next service.
At whatever cost.
Two years later, he is eagerly reading his Bible, witnessing to other inmates, and studying for the ministry. He is changed. We are humbled at the mercy God showed us in His relentless pursuit of our son. And His answer to our prayers.
At whatever cost.
I love this essay, Vanessa. You are a very brave girl! When I was seven and hospitalized after that awful car accident, my mom told me she prayed with fierce determination: Not THY will be done this time. MY will be done! A little sacrilegious to be sure, but God knew her heart and knew what she meant. (Jesus said love can cover a myriad of sins.) With God we need not think we will have to suffer any undesirable thing. All we need to do is trust in his goodness. I don't think your son is unsaved. He said to me, "I want to be." His heart was open and we prayed. I believe he was saved at that moment. Because he left after that with his face glowing with the joy and glory of the Lord. In fact, I never saw him look so happy! It was not the traditional path to salvation, but is anyone's? And what do we do once we accept Christ as Savior? We grow. Some of us a little slower than others to be sure, but it is a very private, personal walk until we have grown enough to share our faith, like you are doing now. Like I said, you are a very brave girl! Correction: woman! 💗