When my husband and I married 24 years ago, I gained 3 bonus sons. Although our lifestyles were similar, the differences lead to an incredibly unstable environment for my husband's boys. His ex was a substance abuser and everything bad that goes with that. She was unreliable, manipulative, at times, emotionally abusive, and yet, someone the boys desperately needed. They wanted so bad for her to chose them, but she just couldn't. Her addictions ruled her life. As they reached the teenaged years, the middle son began to make really bad choices based on what he needed from her but never received. Her behavior was proof to him that it was his fault and that there must be something wrong with him. He was sure that if he just begged long enough and hard enough, he would convince the girls/women in his life that he was worth loving.
We watched in agony as relationship after relationship ended with him threatening to take his own life in an effort to salvage a world that was crumbling around him. He's a very intelligent young man and although he had been in church from very early in life, he just couldn't believe that someone loved him enough to give his life for him. After all, his mother didn't love him enough to deny herself, his girlfriends didn't love him enough to ignore or put up with his clinginess, pushiness, and distrust. We prayed for him constantly, begging God to intervene and get through to this boy. Finally, one young woman had enough and, after one scary encounter, call the police and said he raped her. He swears that's not what happened and that he took a gun to her house intending to kill himself. She was terrified and did what he asked even though she didn't want to. The end result was a conviction on 7 counts of aggravated sexual assault and a prison sentence of 50 years. We were crushed.
A few weeks later, I heard my pastor talk about the difference between Justice, Mercy, and Grace. I heard God speaking to my heart that everything was going to be ok, even though the situation looked pretty bleak. I started to wonder if the justice handed out at trial was really God's mercy for our son. What if God was saving him from himself? He had tried so many times to take his own life that I had no doubt he would try it again if given the opportunity. I waited several weeks to bring up the subject with my husband because he was so angry with God I knew he wouldn't want to consider there was a bigger plan. I was right - he dismissed everything I said and was convinced God had abandoned him.
Several days later, he was on a trip and a car pulled in front of him for seemingly no reason. He started to fume about it, but then noticed the license plate. It said HES4U. Suddenly, the car changed lanes again - for no reason. My husband began to weep and had to pull over. There, on a highway in Oklahoma, he heard God tell him again and again, "I am for you!"
A few days later we received a letter from our son telling us that he had finally broken. He had realized that he couldn't continue the way he had been going - even in prison. He knelt down in the prison chapel with his chaplain and gave his life to Christ. He was baptized in a galvanized tub at the next service.
At whatever cost.
Two years later, he is eagerly reading his Bible, witnessing to other inmates, and studying for the ministry. He is changed. We are humbled at the mercy God showed us in His relentless pursuit of our son. And His answer to our prayers.
Oh Lisa! I've read this three times now...What an incredible and powerful testimony. Praise be to our merciful, faithful God!! I sobbed after I read this the first time. Why He relentlessly pursues us I do not know, but I am eternally grateful that He does. And in His mercy He gives us signs that He is with us--we need only the eyes to see. Thank You for sharing this with me. This is so unbelievably encouraging and gives such honor and glory to our Heavenly Father who loves us. It doesn't always take hitting rock bottom, but sometimes it's necessary to reach the "end of ourselves" before we're ready to receive His love and mercy. So incredibly happy your son has found the Lord Jesus and that he is witnessing to others about Him. I said a prayer that the Lord would continue to heal his brokenness through the power and love of His Spirit and that he would continue to grow in knowledge of Him and come to understand the depth and height and width and length of His eternal, perfect love for him.
I think my version of this prayer is quite economical and resonates from my heart asking for my kids to make mistakes while they’re living at home with me. Somehow, I think we can get it all out of the way - growing in knowledge of God and man, sanctification, etc.- while my husband and I can oversee it all. It’s almost laughable as I pen it, but if I zoom out my lense, God’s perspective ironically comes into view.
He’s overseeing (much more than overseeing!) us and our children as we plummet out valleys and climb our mountains. The difference is, he’s not anticipating our departure from home… He is our home and He awaits us. I guess this might help me pray for salvation…whatever the cost. Thanks for challenging your readers with this perspective.
Thanks for reading and for sharing your thoughts on this, Kim! Since my oldest and second are 10 yrs apart, I began thinking- oh, I’ll do things differently this time! I’ve learned. I can correct my errors and do better. I also had your idea of any mistakes being made would be made while at home and we could navigate them together! And while I am definitely doing things differently and mistakes are being made that we are navigating together, I’ve realized and accepted that it’s not my role or my ability to ultimately change their hearts. It has been freeing, actually!
I will pray for the Lord to (continue to) reveal Himself and His Truth to your sweet children as well!
I love your perspective of God being our Home and He is leading us to Himself— through the fields and valleys😊 What an amazingly, Good Father He is! So Wise. So Kind. So Faithful.
I love this essay, Vanessa. You are a very brave girl! When I was seven and hospitalized after that awful car accident, my mom told me she prayed with fierce determination: Not THY will be done this time. MY will be done! A little sacrilegious to be sure, but God knew her heart and knew what she meant. (Jesus said love can cover a myriad of sins.) With God we need not think we will have to suffer any undesirable thing. All we need to do is trust in his goodness. I don't think your son is unsaved. He said to me, "I want to be." His heart was open and we prayed. I believe he was saved at that moment. Because he left after that with his face glowing with the joy and glory of the Lord. In fact, I never saw him look so happy! It was not the traditional path to salvation, but is anyone's? And what do we do once we accept Christ as Savior? We grow. Some of us a little slower than others to be sure, but it is a very private, personal walk until we have grown enough to share our faith, like you are doing now. Like I said, you are a very brave girl! Correction: woman! 💗
Oh Mom! Thank you so much for sharing all of this with me 😭❤️ I will pray for evidence of His grace— growing Fruit! The Lord knows my own walk has been quite a circuitous route🥴 And Fruit does take a long time to mature. Thank you for praying with and for him! I love you!
When my husband and I married 24 years ago, I gained 3 bonus sons. Although our lifestyles were similar, the differences lead to an incredibly unstable environment for my husband's boys. His ex was a substance abuser and everything bad that goes with that. She was unreliable, manipulative, at times, emotionally abusive, and yet, someone the boys desperately needed. They wanted so bad for her to chose them, but she just couldn't. Her addictions ruled her life. As they reached the teenaged years, the middle son began to make really bad choices based on what he needed from her but never received. Her behavior was proof to him that it was his fault and that there must be something wrong with him. He was sure that if he just begged long enough and hard enough, he would convince the girls/women in his life that he was worth loving.
We watched in agony as relationship after relationship ended with him threatening to take his own life in an effort to salvage a world that was crumbling around him. He's a very intelligent young man and although he had been in church from very early in life, he just couldn't believe that someone loved him enough to give his life for him. After all, his mother didn't love him enough to deny herself, his girlfriends didn't love him enough to ignore or put up with his clinginess, pushiness, and distrust. We prayed for him constantly, begging God to intervene and get through to this boy. Finally, one young woman had enough and, after one scary encounter, call the police and said he raped her. He swears that's not what happened and that he took a gun to her house intending to kill himself. She was terrified and did what he asked even though she didn't want to. The end result was a conviction on 7 counts of aggravated sexual assault and a prison sentence of 50 years. We were crushed.
A few weeks later, I heard my pastor talk about the difference between Justice, Mercy, and Grace. I heard God speaking to my heart that everything was going to be ok, even though the situation looked pretty bleak. I started to wonder if the justice handed out at trial was really God's mercy for our son. What if God was saving him from himself? He had tried so many times to take his own life that I had no doubt he would try it again if given the opportunity. I waited several weeks to bring up the subject with my husband because he was so angry with God I knew he wouldn't want to consider there was a bigger plan. I was right - he dismissed everything I said and was convinced God had abandoned him.
Several days later, he was on a trip and a car pulled in front of him for seemingly no reason. He started to fume about it, but then noticed the license plate. It said HES4U. Suddenly, the car changed lanes again - for no reason. My husband began to weep and had to pull over. There, on a highway in Oklahoma, he heard God tell him again and again, "I am for you!"
A few days later we received a letter from our son telling us that he had finally broken. He had realized that he couldn't continue the way he had been going - even in prison. He knelt down in the prison chapel with his chaplain and gave his life to Christ. He was baptized in a galvanized tub at the next service.
At whatever cost.
Two years later, he is eagerly reading his Bible, witnessing to other inmates, and studying for the ministry. He is changed. We are humbled at the mercy God showed us in His relentless pursuit of our son. And His answer to our prayers.
At whatever cost.
Oh Lisa! I've read this three times now...What an incredible and powerful testimony. Praise be to our merciful, faithful God!! I sobbed after I read this the first time. Why He relentlessly pursues us I do not know, but I am eternally grateful that He does. And in His mercy He gives us signs that He is with us--we need only the eyes to see. Thank You for sharing this with me. This is so unbelievably encouraging and gives such honor and glory to our Heavenly Father who loves us. It doesn't always take hitting rock bottom, but sometimes it's necessary to reach the "end of ourselves" before we're ready to receive His love and mercy. So incredibly happy your son has found the Lord Jesus and that he is witnessing to others about Him. I said a prayer that the Lord would continue to heal his brokenness through the power and love of His Spirit and that he would continue to grow in knowledge of Him and come to understand the depth and height and width and length of His eternal, perfect love for him.
Loved this post! Very powerful stuff! ❤️
Thanks for reading Patty! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
I think my version of this prayer is quite economical and resonates from my heart asking for my kids to make mistakes while they’re living at home with me. Somehow, I think we can get it all out of the way - growing in knowledge of God and man, sanctification, etc.- while my husband and I can oversee it all. It’s almost laughable as I pen it, but if I zoom out my lense, God’s perspective ironically comes into view.
He’s overseeing (much more than overseeing!) us and our children as we plummet out valleys and climb our mountains. The difference is, he’s not anticipating our departure from home… He is our home and He awaits us. I guess this might help me pray for salvation…whatever the cost. Thanks for challenging your readers with this perspective.
Thanks for reading and for sharing your thoughts on this, Kim! Since my oldest and second are 10 yrs apart, I began thinking- oh, I’ll do things differently this time! I’ve learned. I can correct my errors and do better. I also had your idea of any mistakes being made would be made while at home and we could navigate them together! And while I am definitely doing things differently and mistakes are being made that we are navigating together, I’ve realized and accepted that it’s not my role or my ability to ultimately change their hearts. It has been freeing, actually!
I will pray for the Lord to (continue to) reveal Himself and His Truth to your sweet children as well!
I love your perspective of God being our Home and He is leading us to Himself— through the fields and valleys😊 What an amazingly, Good Father He is! So Wise. So Kind. So Faithful.
I love this essay, Vanessa. You are a very brave girl! When I was seven and hospitalized after that awful car accident, my mom told me she prayed with fierce determination: Not THY will be done this time. MY will be done! A little sacrilegious to be sure, but God knew her heart and knew what she meant. (Jesus said love can cover a myriad of sins.) With God we need not think we will have to suffer any undesirable thing. All we need to do is trust in his goodness. I don't think your son is unsaved. He said to me, "I want to be." His heart was open and we prayed. I believe he was saved at that moment. Because he left after that with his face glowing with the joy and glory of the Lord. In fact, I never saw him look so happy! It was not the traditional path to salvation, but is anyone's? And what do we do once we accept Christ as Savior? We grow. Some of us a little slower than others to be sure, but it is a very private, personal walk until we have grown enough to share our faith, like you are doing now. Like I said, you are a very brave girl! Correction: woman! 💗
Oh Mom! Thank you so much for sharing all of this with me 😭❤️ I will pray for evidence of His grace— growing Fruit! The Lord knows my own walk has been quite a circuitous route🥴 And Fruit does take a long time to mature. Thank you for praying with and for him! I love you!
I love you, too! And as my own walk with the Lord deepens, so does my love for you, my dear, sweet girl!