What a Gut Punch

It's Painful to See Your Own Sin in Someone Else's Story

If you’ve been able to read my more recent posts, then you’re aware how much I’ve come to cherish the psalms.¹ While their lyrical, poetic style and vivid sensory details are what initially draw me in, it’s their practical application that keep me coming back again and again.

Last week, we studied some psalms of lament in my Community Bible Study class, one being Psalm 51—which is among David’s more well-known psalms. What I find particularly helpful about David’s psalms is the wealth of context we are provided through the books of First and Second Samuel.

In Psalm 51, David penned words to express his profound guilt and deep repentance over the sin he committed with Bathsheba and to her husband, Uriah.² David writes in verse 4: “Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight.”

David had seen Bathsheba’s beauty, found her desirable, and took her though she was married to another; and when she became pregnant, his crime escalated to that of orchestrated murder to cover the evidence. This is heavy, heavy sin, and this summary was as far as I thought about it for a very long time. It wasn’t until I began writing this blog and meditating on what it means to be content with the Lord that I began to see the heart behind David’s actions.

Many years ago, a dear friend and pastor, trying to counsel me through a tough season with my oldest son, advised me to “parent the heart, not the symptoms.” Our outward behaviors always act as signposts to the spiritual condition of our hearts.

So, what did David’s sin with Bathsheba really point to?

The Lord’s prophet, Nathan, gives us a clue when he confronts David in Second Samuel 12. Nathan begins by telling David a story about “two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor.” While the rich man had great quantities of sheep and cattle, the poor man had only “one little ewe lamb” which was “like a daughter to him.”
One day, in order to feed a traveler who visited him, the rich man decided to take, not a sheep from his plentiful flock, but the poor man’s one little ewe lamb.

David is outraged and swears an oath that “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this deserves to die!” which is then immediately followed by Nathan’s gut punch: “You are the man!”

But it was in the re-reading of what follows this statement that I began to see more clearly the heart of the matter.

Nathan then says this to David:

“This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says:
‘I anointed you king over Israel,
and I delivered you from the hand of Saul.
I gave your master’s house to you,
and your master’s wives into your arms.
I gave you the house of Isarel and Judah.
And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more.
Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in His eyes?’”
(2 Samuel 12:7-9)

What was the spiritual condition of David’s heart when he saw Bathsheba bathing?
Discontentment.

My friends, this is the same sin our first mother succumbed to in the garden so many thousands of years ago.

“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.” (Genesis 3:6)

Discontentment is the manifestation of pride which whispers “You deserve more than this.” It is rooted in mistrust of God’s Goodness and Wisdom. Nathan’s rebuke to David could have easily been said to Eve and any of us who choose to believe we need (or deserve) more than what God has already given us—“Why did you reject the Lord in favor of evil?”
The epistle writer, James, explains that temptation comes from within our own evil desires. We see something we want and, ignoring God’s good and wise boundaries for us, we decide for ourselves that we must have it. “But each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin…” (James 1:14-15)

Like Eve, David had grown discontent with all that God had given him. God said, ‘I gave you all this’ while David and Eve said, ‘It’s not enough.’
Though it pains me to say it, I believe their discontent extended farther than just with material things, I think it became discontentment with God Himself.

Does that seem like a reach? I don’t think it is.

Because here’s my own gut punch.
I’m guilty of the same thing. And at the heart, it’s for the same reason.

Like Eve, like David, pride can whisper, “You deserve more” in my ear too. When I take a minute and really consider all (and let’s be honest, my mind is too puny and my memory too faulty to be able to consider everything comprehensively) that God has given me in my fifty years of life there is utterly no reason whatsoever that I should ever complain, grumble, or be discontent ever again!
And yet…

Immediately after reading 2 Samuel 12:8 (And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more), a verse from Romans 8 ran through my mind: “He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” (v32)

Not only has our generous, gracious God given me a godly husband, healthy children, a safe home, nutritious food, a strong body, encouraging family and friends, meaningful work (the list could go on and on)—but He has also, and most importantly, given me His precious, beautiful Son and through Him, everlasting Life.
My eyes well up with tears just thinking on that amazing, unfathomable Truth.
Yours too?

But the sad reality is too often I look around and I see Christian brothers and sisters who are not utterly astonished by God’s grace—maybe they’ve heard the story so often they’ve grown bored of it—and when I consider how frequently I catch myself with that familiar feeling of discontent, I’m forced to admit the truth that I can be found in the same boat. (It’s too awful to say that out loud, friends.)

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Last winter, God opened my eyes to the discontentment lurking in my heart after studying Psalm 16—another of David’s.

“Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup;
You have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.” (Ps 16:5-6)

Every time I came back to read this psalm, it was those two verses that continued to stand out—begging me to mull them over. God wanted me “to get” something important.
Here’s what I took from these precious verses: Everything I have, from the good to the hard is given to me in love from my Father. Also given to me in love are boundaries and limits. Above all, He has secured my inheritance which is everlasting life with Him.

After I understood all this, I finally had to face the question that demanded an answer. Was I content with the portion and cup and boundary lines God had given me?
I knew I hadn’t wanted to face that question because I knew the answer was ‘no.’

So often, I find myself in a state of conditional thinking—once I have… if we could just get… after I finish… then I’ll be satisfied.
My contentment is chained to conditions.

But do you know what never fails to happen? As soon as ‘xyz’ condition is attained, the goal post moves. ‘Oh well, yes, that’s great and all…but now I just need… a little more.’
Charles Spurgeon said discontentment is the natural disposition of man. “As natural to man as thorns are to the soil.”

If this is accurate (and personal experience has proved it to be), having a contented heart will require Spirit empowered discipline. It must become a pattern of choosing again and again to believe that I already have all that I need in Christ. To know, trust, and believe that He is a greater treasure than anything I could possibly acquire here in this world.

It requires a deep trust in God’s character—one which is developed over time through “tasting the Lord’s goodness” again and again. (Ps34) Immerse yourself in His living word and look for His providential hand at work (His little mercies) throughout your days. Teach yourself and believe the promise that “those who seek the Lord lack no good thing” (Ps 34:10) for “no good thing does He withhold from those who do what is right.” (Ps 84:11) Because in our Good Shepherd, “we have all that we need.” (Ps 23)

I believe this is how Paul “learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” (Phil 4:12) He trusted God’s character, and He drew strength, meaning, identity, and value from His relationship with Christ.

When we take our eyes off our eternal inheritance, and instead focus on temporal haves and have nots, we can quickly forget God and lose the joy we have in Him.

“Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,” David pleads. (Ps 51:12) This is the cry of all returned prodigal sons and daughters. Of ones who abandoned the True fount of joy for what appeared to be greener pastures. Of ones seeking the intimate reunion with the Lover of their souls.³

“…and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” (Ps 51:12) When we receive the Holy Spirit, we are gifted the freedom to finally choose the things of God. Like a boat adrift at sea, it takes no effort to “go with the flow.” In the strength of the Holy Spirit and with humble dependence, we must resist the temptations, whispers, and desires of the flesh (our natural “current”) and actively, intentionally, consistently choose the way toward God. For in the Lord alone is there fullness of joy.

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1. I wrote about how Psalms 55 and 137 have taught me ways to pray through hard emotions like fear, anger, and grief in the essays: “Teach Us to Pray” and “Vengeance is Mine.” I also wrote about how the psalms give me courage when the fear of death threatens my peace in “The Last Enemy.”

2. Read 2 Samuel 11 for the full story.

3. “Once you were like sheep who wandered away.
But now you have turned to your Shepherd, the Guardian of your souls.” 1 Peter 2:25 NLT