Losing Control

and I think I like it.

“Be like water.” -Bruce Lee

I am Type A with a capital A. I like to take the lead. Call the shots. Make the decisions. In short, I like to have control…or at least think I do.

I lay my plans, set my goals, and create the actionable steps to follow. Why does everything take so long to complete? Tick Tock Tick Tock. I have things to do. New plans to make. New goals to set. I’ve always just wanted to arrive already, you know? Finish one thing, then move onto the next.
I also have a healthy dose of evergreen optimism to toss into the mix, so my hopes and dreams are usually pretty sizeable. Eventually though, my idealism will collide with my husband’s realism, and I need to be brought back down to earth.
There are only so many hours in a day, Vanessa.

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An Epic Road Trip

In less than two months, my family will pack up a rented camper and head west on what we’re calling the “Epic Road Trip.” We’ll journey through thousands of miles, fourteen states, and three weeks, and guess the part I played in the planning process…

None.

I know! Astonishing!
I haven’t helped with any of the travel plans, because I am, quite honestly, the least equipped for the job. You see, I am the homebody of homebodies. The first time I saw the ocean I was thirty years old. The first time I left the country I was thirty-one. I even live in the same little county in which I was born and raised—and am quite content to do so. Driving farther than an hour in any direction from home always finds me sweaty palmed with racing thoughts.
So, when my husband brought up the idea of seeing the sights out west before our boys are too old to care, I said, “Let’s do it!” with sincere enthusiasm—and completely surprised myself.

“Where do you want to go? What do you want to see?” Rich asked with pen and paper at the ready.

You know…I could have turned this into a project I had to micromanage. I could have researched “The Top 10 Places to See in America” and poured on the charm to ensure I got my way. I could have dictated only so many of this and don’t forget that. But I did none of it. Instead, I leaned into my husband’s passion and knowledge for travel and trusted him to plan the trip. “You’ve been everywhere! Just show me things!” I told him.

And I’m excited! And do you know what surprised me the most? The feeling I had “letting go.” It felt good.

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The Freedom of Letting Go

At a Women’s Retreat this past March, a lady in our small group told us of her daughter’s lifelong chronic illness, and how just recently, her daughter stood on death’s doorstep. She shared how powerless she felt to do anything to change the circumstances for her dying daughter. And for the first time she realized just how powerless she really is. And that’s when she let go.
She released the belief that if she just… fill-in-the-blank all would be made well for her child.
I leaned toward this woman and gently smiled, “There’s freedom in letting go, isn’t there?” And she laughed and said “You wouldn’t think so. What’s freeing about losing control?”

It does seem like the opposite would be true. That having a tight rein on everything is where the freedom would be felt. Freedom in feeling secure. Freedom in the knowing. Freedom in the action of doing something—anything.

Those of us who have worked so hard and so long to maintain even a semblance of control know how vulnerable it can feel to lay it down. To admit we are powerless. To admit we don’t have it all figured out. To admit we don’t have all the answers.

When asked how to let go of things, Joshua Fields Millburn of The Minimalists explains it this way: “You see, letting go is not something you do. It happens naturally when you stop clinging.”¹

Millburn was speaking of material possessions, but really, this can apply to anything. Stop clinging to let go. Or as Martial Arts legend, Bruce Lee, put it: “Be as water, my friend.”

Water that adapts. Embraces change. Freely flows.

It helps to also recognize and not resist the mighty force of Living Water flowing inside us. To stand out of His way. To take His direction. To follow His course.

In the way water which flows for a time changes the surrounding landscape, let the Water of Life carve and shape your inner landscape as it flows unhindered through you. As Bruce Lee praised water’s ability to take the shape of whatever vessel it was poured into, let us be shaped into the form of our Shepherd.

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Power and Control

Why do we seek control? What do we hope to gain?
Speaking for myself, I seek control because I’m afraid of the unknown. I’m afraid of feeling powerless and vulnerable. I want to avoid pain and suffering.
I think because of how often I have been caught off guard in the past, I set out on a quest of never being caught off guard again.
I seek control because I suppose I’ll do a better job than someone else. I believe I care more about the details, so I seek to control the campaign.

Why did it feel so good to let go for my small group friend (and for any of us who dare to do the same)? Because the weight of responsibility we assume when attempting to control life becomes unbearable. It’s only when we lay it down do we grasp just how heavy it really was.

But it isn’t just the laying down, it is acknowledging Who picks it up.

It is recognizing the One who is far more capable and far more worthy—and laying it all down at His feet.
The same One who called simple fishermen to lay down their nets—all their knowns—and follow Him. And they did.
The same One who told a rich, young ruler he lacked one thing to find eternal life—to let go of all he owned. And he couldn’t.

What does it take to stop clinging to the illusion of control?

Humility and Trust.

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Our Mighty Lord— Our Strength & Our Song

We must recognize we cannot determine our lives (“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” Luke 12:25) and we must trust in the One who does (“My future is in Your hands.” Psalm 31:15)

When I’m caught up in the belief that no one cares as much about the details as I do, I remember the magnificent golds and pinks of this morning’s sun rise and the delicate intricacies of the peony. I recall the variety in the songbird’s music and the myriad scents of summer that fill the air and please my senses. I remind myself that “He delights in every detail of [our] lives.” (Psalm 37:23)

And when I dare to trust I know the better way, I speak Truth to myself that He “created my inmost being and knit me together in my mother’s womb.” And that even before I was formed “all the days ordained for me were written in [His] book before one of them came to be.”

“How precious are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.”
(Psalm 139:13, 16-18)

And when I fear the unknown, I remember that His grace is sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9) I bring to mind the prayer for today’s bread (not tomorrow’s or next week’s). (Matthew 6:11) I thank God for the gift of fresh mercies bestowed on me each morning. We don’t have to store it up like squirrels in winter preparing for days of famine. (Lamentations 3:22-23) No, the Lord’s well never runs dry; but in wisdom, He supplies only what we need each day. (Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34)

And while I am confident the Lord has each of my days already in His hands, I know He is wise to only reveal a step at a time. (“The Lord directs the steps of the godly.” Psalm 37:23)

I love the picture Psalm 119:105 creates: “Your word is a lamp for my feet,
a light on my path.” In ancient times, people would need to use lanterns in order to walk anywhere at night without stumbling in the dark, sometimes even attaching them to their ankles. The lamp would only light up so much of the path ahead, not enough to see the entire journey, but enough to see the next step. Traveling would be done slowly and carefully—relying on the light to direct their steps.

We can trust the Father of Lights to reveal the way. (James 1:17)
(see Psalm 139:7-12²)

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What do we gain by letting go? by surrendering control to the Lord? by handing Him the reins of our lives?

Freedom.

There is actually freedom in limitation. It sounds counterintuitive, but when the Lord provides boundaries for us, limiting what we know and can do, we are free to release our grasp on the unknowns and entrust them to His care and wisdom instead. We are free to focus our energies on the day He has given us instead of fretting over the unknown future.

During our “Epic Road Trip,” I plan to sit back and enjoy the ride—discovering what each day brings. Like in life, the journey is the destination.
And I will trust the One who knows the way to take me there.

1. “Stop Clinging” www.theminimalists.com

2. Ps 139:7-12 “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”