When God Says No
How can we Reconcile Unanswered Prayer with Scripture's Promise that 'He Withholds No Good Thing' from His Children?
“Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the Lord show utter contempt, the son born to you will die.”
After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and went into his house and spent nights lying on the ground…
On the seventh day the child died. David’s servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, we spoke to David but he would not listen to us. How can we tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”
David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”
Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped.”
2 Samuel 13-20
This is a hard story to read. It not only hurts my heart as a mother, but as I sit with it, it also reminds me of times I’ve prayed for God’s merciful healing and did not receive the answer I had hoped for.
I prayed God would heal my aunt, Karmi, from cancer.
I prayed God would give my sister a baby.
I prayed God would save my nephew’s premature daughter.
I had prayed with confident faith. I had prayed with desperate tears. I had prayed Scripture with hope. But in each case, and others like them, the Lord said no.
A new friend of mine—a very godly woman, now in her forties, has never married despite a deep desire to be.
When I consider the complete disaster of iniquity and sin that defined my life until I married my husband at 32, I am amazed and dumbfounded by the ways God has richly blessed me. Why should someone like me receive the gifts of marriage and motherhood?
Defining ‘Good’
Scripture tells us:
“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
(Ps 37:4)“No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless [i.e. His children].” (Ps 84:11)
“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” (Rom 8:32)
Isn’t healing good? And marriage? And children?
Why then do some of God’s children not receive these desired things?
Then, I remember Jesus, the Father’s only begotten Son. In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus “fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible may this cup be taken from me.” But God said no.
And then I remember what God has been teaching me about His ultimate purpose for us. I remember that right now even, He is weaving together and using ‘all things for my good’—my ultimate good.
In Tim Keller’s Walking with God through Pain and Suffering, he quotes a letter written by John Newton to a grieving sister. The pastoral wisdom in his words made a deep and lasting impression on me:
“Your sister is much upon my mind. Her illness grieves me: were it in my power I would quickly remove it: the Lord can, and I hope will, when it has answered the end for which he sent it… I wish you may be enabled to leave her, and yourself, and all your concerns, in his hands.
He has a sovereign right to do with us as he pleases; and if we consider what we are, surely we shall confess we have no reason to complain: and to those who seek him, his sovereignty is exercised in a way of grace. All shall work together for good; everything is needful that he sends; nothing can be needful that he withholds…
You have need of patience, and if you ask, the Lord will give it. But there can be no settled peace till our will is in a measure subdued. Hide yourself under the shadow of his wings; rely upon his care and power; look upon him as a physician who has graciously undertaken to heal your soul of the worst sickness, sin…” (p.266-67)
Keller expounds upon Newton’s somewhat startling revelation that “everything is needful [necessary] that he sends, nothing can be needful [necessary] that he withholds” by saying:
“If…the whole of the Bible is true, then anything that comes into your life is something that, as painful as it is, you need in some way. And anything you pray for that does not come from him, even if you are sure you cannot live without it, you do not really need.” (p. 267)
Sit with that for a moment.
In a similar vein, Puritan pastor Jeremiah Burroughs teaches: “We would be less troubled if we were aware of the disorders of our hearts. Knowing our hearts allows us to understand what is best for our situation. Someone who doesn’t understand their own heart won’t recognize the need for hardship and will be unhappy [because] they don’t understand how appropriate the medicine is for them.”
I think back to those verses I quoted above and meditate on the concept of good. How I define good and how God defines good are often two very different definitions. God does not call evil good, but He does use evil as means toward His good purposes. It was for good that Joseph was sold into slavery. It was for good that Job was tested. It was for good that Jesus was crucified as an atoning sacrifice. So, when Scripture tells us that God “withholds no good thing” from those who love Him, and He has answered a prayer with “No,” we must be willing to lay down our own understanding of “good” and lean on (and trust) His wisdom instead.
Years ago, a friend shared a powerful story about her late father that profoundly challenged my understanding of ‘good.’ After being diagnosed with terminal cancer, she said her dad told his grieving family, “I’m not sad about this. We’ve been very blessed. We’ve not known real hardship before. No, this is going to be good for us.” My mouth gaped. She said that even while dying, maybe even because of it, her father drew his family closer to Christ. What an amazing witness for the supreme treasure we have in Jesus.
God Gives Us ‘All Things’ in Christ
But what of Romans 8:32, which tells us that God will give us (His children) “all things”?
“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things.”
I appreciate how Alistair Begg unpacks this beautiful verse for us. In many ways, it echoes what John Newton wrote above:
“The logic of this is unassailable. If God has given us the greatest and the best in Jesus, He will not withhold all the blessings of grace that will complete His work in the lives of His children. He’s not going to give us His very best in the Lord Jesus and then withhold all that is necessary for us. That’s why when we sing “Blessed assurance Jesus is mine,” we follow it with “oh, what a foretaste of glory divine.” Because in Christ, we have everything.
…Don’t go wrong with the phrase ‘all things’ and start silly stuff about naming and claiming the things you want…a large house in the Bahamas, and I would like this and I would like that…that’s just silliness.
John Murray helps us when he gives us this wonderful sentence: “‘All things’ is an obvious example of an expression in universal terms used in a restrictive sense.”
In other words, what Paul is talking about is the benefits and blessings of grace that are part and parcel of the great package that God gives to us in Jesus. There’s nothing missing from the box. If you are in Christ, you have all you need.”
Did Job receive an answer to his prayers of “Why me?” No. God never explained Himself to Job, but what He did give Job was a deeper and more intimate relationship with Himself. (“My ears had heard of You but now my eyes have seen You.” Job 42:5)
Having God is worth more than answered prayer.
Oh, how I long to say with the psalmist, “Earth has nothing I desire besides You” and earnestly, sincerely mean it without a trace of hypocrisy. For to find contentment in God alone is a treasure nothing on earth can equal. Since enrolling in ‘Christ’s school of contentment’ (as Jeremiah Burroughs calls it) I can see growth towards this end. It is hard and slow progress, but oh, how I see God’s faithfulness in it all. It proves the truth that: “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 1:6)
Keep Praying
A friend of mine is currently walking with someone through a very dark and painful valley—someone who does not know or love the Lord. She’s praying for her salvation, but fears, “What if it doesn’t happen?” My friend is fighting for hope in a seemingly hopeless situation.
“In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” (Ps 5:3)
We keep praying. We don’t know how the Lord will answer. He may bring the healing. The spouse. The baby. He may bring salvation. Maybe He won’t.
We pray and we wait with patient expectation. For the Lord does hear the prayers of His children and He will give an answer. However He replies, we must not trust in our own understanding but lean whole heartedly on His wisdom. Remembering that everything He brings or withholds first passes through His sovereign fingers and is
“…exercised in a way of grace.”
May His Spirit give us the same courage, trust, and humility to pray with Jesus: “Not as I will, but as You will.”
Prefect timing again, Vanessa, for me and for others as evidenced in the comments. Be encouraged that God is working through you!
I love collecting Bibles, and I stumbled upon an ornate King James Version with a prayer page on which I had written my deepest desires for others. I cried; they had not been answered. I challenged my thinking; correction- all but one had been answered in a “positive” yet not expected manner. Still, the dearest one had not been answered. But it also is not over.
Thank you for including Job. To continue praying for the lost is a decision that can grow fatiguing and lead to hopelessness when “unanswered.” But God is sovereign, and we will know Him better through the hardship. Job experienced God and restoration twofold. The prayer journey will be rewarding, and maybe the unexpected is on its way!
“I’m not sad about this. We’ve been very blessed. We’ve not known real hardship before. No, this is going to be good for us.” - Wow, that's some amazing faith right there!