Beyond Circumstance
Contentment is a Choice
By my estimation, my children have everything a person could desire for cause of happiness. They have two parents, married and in love. They’re encouraged and told daily just how deeply, dearly loved they are. In addition to their parents, they each have brothers, aunts, uncles, and grandparents who adore them and routinely pour into them. They live in a nice, safe home in a nice, safe neighborhood. They have toys and gadgets and myriad forms of entertainment. Clean clothes. Healthy food. Friends.
They’re good looking, highly intelligent, amazingly gifted with creative talents, and continuously surprise me (in the best of ways) with their witty replies and pensive minds—articulating truths and observations beyond their years.
And yet, on average, they aren’t very joyful. In fact, they do an awful lot of complaining.1
Have you ever heard of Jimmy Darts? He’s a young, recently married twenty-something with a heart full of love and compassion for the weak and vulnerable. He shares videos of encounters with men and women all over the country who are truly down and out. Some are homeless. Many are just getting by.
He begins their conversation by asking for help. A dollar. Spare change. A carton of milk. He is humble and sincere and very soon they let their guard down and share part of their story with him. He surprises them with a large gift of money. Often, he will pray with them. And when led by the Spirit, he will start a GoFundMe for certain individuals, and we have the opportunity to participate in his life changing ministry.2
I’ve watched many of his videos, oftentimes being moved to tears. What is striking to me is their willingness to share whatever little they have with Jimmy. I’ve seen it over and over again. Those who have the least are the ones who most easily give it away. And do you know what else I see? Underneath the sad, and, sometimes, devastating circumstances in their lives is joy fighting for breath.
This isn’t always the case. Sometimes the pain and heartache are so thick, nothing else is able to penetrate. But often when they experience the love of God through His servant, Jimmy, joy bubbles through the surface of the muck and radiates from their faces like rays of sunshine through dark clouds.
I grew up believing that if I only had enough of this or that I could be happy. The right friends. The right clothes. The right achievements.
If my parents got along. If I had a boyfriend. If.
Circumstantial happiness.
But what I’ve learned about joy by observing my children and the people Jimmy helps, is that our circumstances don’t dictate contentment.
So, where does joy come from if not our circumstances?
King David declared that it is the Lord who assigns us our “portion and cup.” (Ps 16) All the things He gives and withholds, allows and ordains in this life are in the sovereign hand of our Father. Do we look at our assigned lot in life with doubt that God gave it to us in love? Do we wonder if He forgot to include some things? Or even made a mistake in the giving of other things? Upon reflecting on contentment with our given lot, the beloved author and missionary, Elisabeth Elliot, once wrote “The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.”
“The choice is ours. It depends on our willingness to see everything in God, receive all from His hand, accept with gratitude just the portion and the cup He offers. Shall I charge Him with a mistake in His measurements or with misjudging the sphere in which I can best learn to trust Him? Has He misplaced me? Is He ignorant of things or people which, in my view, hinder my doing His will?”3
“What do we really want in life?” Elliot asked.
David wanted the Lord. He said in his psalm, ‘One thing I ask. One thing I seek. To dwell in the house of the Lord forever gazing on His beauty.’ (Ps. 27:4) Some people may desire godliness as an end to itself, but David sought the Lord—not what he could get from Him, just Him.
I became interested in Christian contentment after listening to The Minimalists podcast for a number of years. Forsaking the world of overconsumption and adopting a minimalist lifestyle opened doors of peace and calm for many of their listeners—myself included. And while feeling serene in our environment can certainly help our mental states, removing the majority of our belongings cannot offer the type of lasting joy we seek when minimalism is embraced as an end unto itself.
Indeed, what I’ve discovered by removing so many material possessions from our home is clarity. I’ve learned that living this life is pretty hard and there is so much available to us that act as modes of escape—shopping, scrolling, staying busy. But they only cover the sad, the hard, the brokenness. They don’t heal it.
I’ve learned that when I used shopping, or food, or alcohol to numb the pain, I was saying I believed they could provide for me in ways that God could not. I was saying my problems were bigger than God, or that He didn’t understand what I was going through. I was looking at undesirable circumstances and what my neighbor had that I lacked as obstacles to ‘greener pastures’—never content with my lot in life.
Let me be clear: contentment isn’t a resigned way of thinking. It’s not ‘sucking it up’ and putting on a brave face despite my wretched circumstances. No. It’s trusting that “in God there is fullness of joy.” (Ps 16:11) That apart from Him “I have no good thing.” (Ps 16:2) It’s humble submission to His perfect will. It’s knowing that my greatest hope and treasure is my Savior, Jesus Christ, and that His chief goal for my life is to transform me into His Likeness. (Rom 8:28-30) And it’s believing that in His profound love and wisdom, care and forethought, He ordains “my portion and cup” to bring me to that end. (Eph 1:11)
I asked my small group friends, “If God has broken the chains of sin for us and placed His Spirit within us, why do we still struggle to choose Him over the things of the world? Are we resisting the Spirit?” They so wisely reminded me that it is our flesh’s natural tendency to drift along with the world, so we must actively and intentionally—empowered by the Spirit—choose the direction of God.
I picture it like a boat adrift at sea. It will easily and without any effort on our part drift along with the current. But if we adjust the sail to capture the wind and row against the current, we can change direction.
And this is how it is with contentment.
The ‘natural current’ is to complain, compare, hoard and covet. We must choose instead to fix our sails and row toward the ‘narrow path’ of God. Let me close by offering words from two Puritan authors who inspire and challenge me to embrace Christ’s ‘school of contentment’ with joy:
“God carries His children through this world through a variety of conditions. Sometimes we lack, and at other times we abound.
This allows our graces to be tested.
We will find that God’s love is stable, certain, and constant in a variety of conditions. God does not change, and his love is constant however our lives might change.
We must learn not to quarrel with God’s government.
Let God do as He pleases as He brings us to heaven.
It is no matter what the way is like, or how rugged it is, as long as He brings us there.
God’s grace is able to carry His children above all conditions.” —Richard Sibbes4
“Earthly joys ebb and flow, blossom and wither, but heavenly joys are abiding.
No man can take your joy from you.
Who would not retire from the noise of a distracting world to rest his soul in the joys of the world to come?
Whatever you enjoy in the world—riches, honours, pleasures, children, health, and beauty—let your joy be in God.” —Matthew Mead
It’s recently come to my attention that our middle son is suffering from some kind of depression and has been for some time. We’re in beginning stages of seeking a medical evaluation and advice. It’s become concerning and we would very much appreciate your prayers for him and for us as we navigate through this together. We are praying that the Lord would lead us to a gifted, compassionate doctor and that He would bring one soon. So, I write this post being mindful that sometimes our brains don’t always work correctly and how we think and feel is beyond our control. Thank you for your support in this, friends.
Both excerpts are taken from the devotional: Voices from the Past: Volume 1. Edited by Richard Rushing. pgs 323 and 281 respectively
This is one of your very best! It really is.
No pun intended this was a joy to read❤️